so today wasnt too bad.

lately tho i have been waking up so increadibly tired and i really dont know why lke last night i went to bed at like 10:30 thinking that maybe i just dont usually get enough sleep so i went to bed semi early and this morning i woke up just as tired and i mean for the longest time i though like i think the more u sleep the tireder u are and like idk..

but anyway i woke up so tried and when im triend im in a whole nother world. so i went into school didnt really talk to anybody and then once like 1st peroid was over i was like grr soo i asked my teacher if i could go to the nurse but then i decided to stay cuz joe was like "your not sick" so i was like blahhh! then i had gym today and since it was marianne's last gym class for like 2 weeks we had to make it good so me and her were throwing golf balls at all the people putting them away it was pretty funny. then whatevs and then after school i came home and i started spring cleaning!! =] w00t warm weather!

and now im "doing my homework" haha

i really miss my boiyfriend i didnt talk to him all day.. =/ bummer but tommrow i will prob see him and then saturday is our night<3 uuugh i love saturdays! =]

but YESTERDAY was sooo much fun.

after school u went to artie's house and we only hung out for like 2 hour before he went to work but it was soo fun. we didnt do anything special i guess just being with him is special enough, but we did laugh quite a bit. =]. i love those days that you have that are like soo extreamly good that they just make u smile for days and days..

my boyfriend is amazing and i just figured i should get that out there for everybody to know...

and he just sent me a text message<3 oh yea hes one of the good things i have going for me right now.

but yea so tommrow is friday and im hoping that this weekend will b good since its like the last one with my zaphra... =]

so i have had this thing for a while now and the other day i made a live journal but i really didnt like it, umm yea so im 17 years old and i have alot of shit on my mind lately. i really hate being in high school. i think there is alot wrong with me but i neer talk to anybody about my problems and the other day i found out that my cousin went physo and was in the hospital for a week and a half and i realized that that might b me soon enough because i seems to get mad at things and i dont know what im getting mad at or upset at and i really dont like how im like that because it feels like i am loosing or like i am going to loose people close to me because all i do is push people out even tho i dont try to because the truth is i just need to be paid attention to and i feel like i dont get that so maybe i am just looking for attention but then there are times when i just want to scream like times when i want to b left alone times when i dont want these anoying people who dont know shit about me to ask what rong. and the times that that happens im just waiting for the people that i trust and love to ask me whats rong and confort me and the reality is its not going to happen.

but on september 3rd i have felt like the worse person ever. and i have held on to this guilt trip my boyfriend of almost 2 years mother passed away and since then i dont know what to do with myslef cuz i am so upset and hurt by it but my boyfriend is the only person that i can tell anything to and i never want to talk to him about it cuz i dont want to upset him. i miss her so much and i wish there was somthing i could do to make her come back i'd do anything.

ugh maybe im a physo for saying and thinking all this stuff and maybe im lame because i am making one of these things, and part of the reason that i am doing this is to get all my thoughts out cuz maybe that will make me feel better but i think one of the main things i have to do it talk to a doctor, because i dont want what happen to my cousin to happen to me..

ugh sorry this wasnt the greatest and happiest first entry..

next time will b my one thats like "hey im a happpy girl"

thanks.

viki.